The way we grieve our losses is impacted by many factors including: our own unique coping style, our history of previous losses, our support systems and, the way we view the loss. The way we grieve is also impacted by the kind of loss we have had, in other words who died and what is the nature of your relationship with that person.
There are some common aspects to each different kind of loss. The death of my mother affects me differently than the death of your mother affects you, because we are different people. But we have some similarities in common: we might both feel like orphans, particularly if we have no other parent. Or maybe we are both struggling with difficult relationships with our siblings, now that our parent has died.
It can be helpful to look at different kinds of losses and see some of their commonalities. This helps us normalize our experience and helps us better understand what we are going through.
The loss of an unborn child can be devastating. Prenatal loss often involves a loss of dreams and a deep loss of control. Bereaved parents often say, “Our dreams are destroyed.” “This is such a deep loss, and everyone thinks I should be over it by now.”
In attempt to help the bereaved parents, others may negate the need for a grief process. “ People tell us, we should just have another child, as if that can replace the child we just lost .”